Shrine Mishaps for Hakurei

2 weeks before the battle at Bahva-Agra.
It’s early morning at the Hakurei Shrine. Rika has left the inside of the shrine looking so clean, they literally sparkle with the light from the morning sun. Having nothing else to do, Rika goes to the back of the shrine, and pulling her wooden training sword from her Saboten Stock, she begins her regular training session. 30 minutes after starting, Rika hears the sliding doors form Reimu’s room open, then happily says to herself “ah, my lady’s up. Better start making break... *GASP* oh no!” Reimu walks out of her room and admires how clean the shrine is, and right before she takes her first step out of the room, Rika shouts from outside “my lady~! Be careful!”, to which Reimu turns her head to look toward the direction of the voice. Back outside, Rika hears Reimu ask “what is it? Is that celestial around here again?” Rika finishes storing her sword again and shouts “no, I just waxed the...” Before she can finish, Reimu screams, followed by a thud, followed by a sliding noise, accompanied by more screaming, then another loud thud accompanied by rustling leaves. Rika winces while all this happens, and when it all stops she opens her eyes and spots Reimu lying on some bushes, her back against a tree. Reimu shouts “what the heck was that!?” Rika approaches Reimu with an apologetic face and says “I’m sorry, my lady. I tried to tell you I waxed the floors.” Reimu gets up with Rika’s help as she says “is that so? Oh well, I’ll just be more care...” Before Reimu finishes her sentence, from the roof comes Suika’s scream, a sliding sound, another scream, then a loud thud. Reimu looks at Rika, who sweats as she places her hands together below her waist and says “I also waxed the roof.” From the hot springs near the shrine, Marisa is heard screaming, followed by a loud splash and some groaning, then Rika smiling sheepishly says “I also waxed the stones by the hot springs.” Reimu’s hair has a few lost strand as she sweats and stares at Rika, then sounding a little worried she asks “you didn’t wax the trees too, right?” Rika smiles and says “of course not, my lady.” From behind them Aya screams then falls head-first to the bushes below, then Rika sweats and smile, then finishes saying “but I did polish the branches.” Reimu smiles nervously as Mima approaches them and sounding boastful she says “you two-legged creatures are such a mess. You won’t see ME slipping like that since I have no legs. Just a ghostly tail.” Rika smiles sheepishly at Mima, then says “actually... heh heh, I thought I’d give you a surprise and waxed your tail...” Mima opens her eyes wide, grabs Rika by her shoulders and excitedly “what did you just say!?” Suddenly, Mima darts away, going through trees while screaming at the top of her lungs, then continues her ghostly slide all the way to the edge of the mountain and falling off while screaming some more. Rika sweats and smiles, then points to the shrine with her left hand thumb and hastily says “I-I’ll go make us some breakfast now” then darts to the shrine’s kitchen, while Reimu continues to stare around, her eyes hidden under a dark shadow, and a few strands of hair standing unevenly around her head.

Later that day at noon, Rika finishes sweeping the shrine’s front yard, and after swiping the sweat off her forehead with her sleeve she says to herself “phew, this took just a little longer than I thought.” She looks around the yard, then smiles and flaps her little wings, then says to herself “but the courtyard looks beautiful, so it’s worth it.” She heads back inside the shrine and enters through the side doors, heading straight toward the broom closet, not noticing Reimu is sitting on the ceiling and is casually sipping on some tea. Rika closes the door to the broom closet and says out loud “my lady~! The courtyard is done. Should I start dinner yet?” From the ceiling Reimu casually says “sure, go ahead.” Rika’s heart skips a beat when she yelps in surprise, not expecting Reimu there at all. She takes a few deep breaths, then asks “my-my lady, what’s going on?” Reimu looks down to Rika, completely unaffected by gravity at all, then casually says “eh, I don’t know. I fell asleep under the kotatsu and then I woke up like this... Seems gravity has been altered around her.” Rika stands under Reimu, but nothing happens; then she flies up to Reimu, but can’t stand on the ceiling, and after coming back down she asks “my lady, are you playing tricks on me?” Reimu sighs and says “whatever. Look, just help me get down.” Rika bows and says “immediately, my lady.” She flies up, grabs Reimu, then turns her around along with her teacup, then bring her back down safely. Reimu casually says “see? Nothing to it.” Rika smiles and closes her eyes saying “thank goodness. For a minute there I thought I was going crazy!” Just before Rika finishes her sentence and open her eyes, Reimu yelps and there is a loud crunching sound. Rika looks right above her and sees a hole on the roof, then Hina says “oh my, that’s so unfortunate. I fell through the roof.” Shock takes Rika as she looks up the hole on the roof and asks “wait... wasn’t that my lady Reimu just now?” Reimu opens the sliding doors to her room and with a bored expression she asks “did you just call for me?” Rika shrieks, her body stiffen, her wings flap violently, and after she recomposes she asks “but didn’t you... You just... Weren’t you?” Still looking bored, Reimu says “Rika, you’re acting weird.” Rika’s cheeks turn blue as she looks down to the ground and pokes her fingers together, looking both surprised and scared while whimpering incoherently.

That night, Rika closes down the shrine while Reimu enters her room, saying “good night, Rika.” Rika turns away from the sliding doors and bows down with a smile, saying “pleasant dreams, my lady Reimu.” After she finishes closing all the doors and turning off all the lights, Rika heads down the small corridor to a new room made just for her, which sits to the right of Reimu’s own room. She’s about to enter when she hears and unsettling thud on the living room. Bravely and quietly, Rika walks to the living room and whispers “hello? Is someone there!?” She manages to turn on a single light that dimly illuminates the entire inside of the shrine. Rika looks around, but there’s nothing. She relaxes and thinks “maybe I just imagined it”, but quickly flinches and rolls away after yelping as quietly as possible when a bird suddenly tarts singing in the room. Rika looks toward the source, then smiles and says “oh my, hello there little fellow. What are you doing... wait, what’s that you’re sitting on.” Underneath the little sparrow, next to Reimu’s own, a two-door cabinet ominously stands tall, expelling a strange aura from around itself. The little sparrow chirps and flies just above Rika’s head before completely disappearing from the scene. Rika looks around and says “where did he go? There certainly aren’t any windows open...” There is another sudden thud and Rika shrieks, turning her attention to the strange cabinet in the room. It starts to jump in place repeatedly, making loud thumping noises. Rika whispers to herself “this thing’s too noisy. It’ll wake up lady Reimu!” She quickly approaches the cabinet, and without thinking she opens the doors. A water monster bursts out of the cabinet with Remilia screaming at the top of her lungs while she spins inside of its stomach, frightening Rika to the point of making her petrify in place. The monster, carrying the screaming Remilia, casually opens the sliding doors to the back, bows his watery unshaped head, then exits the shrine, closing the door behind itself. From outside, the childish and innocent voice of Flandre sounds a bit muffled as she says “Jumy~ There you are! Come on, Sakuya said she wouldn’t feed us if we were late again!” There is a spitting sound, followed by a dog’s bark, and a whooshing sound. Shortly after, Remilia moans, then shouts “I WANT THAT BLASTED MONSTER VAPORIZED!”, followed by some flapping wings, then silence. Reimu walks out of her room in her white sleeping gown, asking “what’s with all the noise here!?” She looks around and notices the petrified Rika standing under the only light in the room, then casually places her right arm on her hip and says “hmm... not one of her best works.” She walks toward it, inspects it a little further, then shrugs and says “well, whatever.” She turns off the light, then heads back to her room.

The next morning, right after breakfast is done, Maribel and Renko arrive to the shrine, each one holding Mima by one arm. Once inside the shrine Renko calls “excuse us~! Miss Reimu, miss Rika? Are you there?” Reimu and Rika walk out of the shrine’s corridor, then Rika smiles while Reimu face palms and says “let me guess. She’s still slipping around.” Aggravated, Mima says “well, it’s now MY fault my tail is waxed to perfection! And why didn’t any of you come for me!?” Reimu covers her mouth while she giggles, but Rika looks down to the ground in shame. Pouting, Mima reluctantly says “I don’t blame you Rika, so don’t get all sad on me now... Just get this off!” Rika lifts her head, however she doesn’t smile and Reimu continues to giggle as she says “no, no, let me do this, Rika.” Rika quietly bows while Reimu approaches the 3 girls, then pats Mima’s tail, making her laugh and says “hey, watch those hands, haha!” Maribel asks “hey, if that’s wax... wouldn’t ripping it off make your skin look perfect!?” Renko adds “in the outside world, they use that to remove hair from unwanted areas, making you look much more attractive.” Interested, Mima exclaims “REALLY!? Reimu, RIP that wax off!” Reimu tries to hold her laughter, then says “heh, ok. I won’t hold back~!” Mima excitedly says “hurry, hurry!” Reimu grabs the wax just around Mima’s waist, and after counting to 3, she pulls the wax with all her might, making a horrible ripping sound that echoes all over the shrine, making even Aya fly away in horror with the rest of the birds and fairies. Giggling, Reimu asks “so, Mima... how do you feel?” Mima doesn’t respond and just floats in place with a neutral face and blank eyes. Maribel and Renko let go of her arms, then Maribel concernedly asks “miss Mima’ are you alright?” Like a stiff pillar, Mima falls to the ground on her face, but doesn’t react at all, making Reimu laugh hard, drop on her knees, and punch the floor while laughing. Meanwhile, Rika stands by the corridor, almost about to cry, when there’s a sudden “poof”, followed by some white clouds from where Mima is. They all stare at Mima as she gets back up, Reimu opening her eyes wide as her face turning red, Renko and Maribel hiding their eyes under a red shadow, and Rika looking away embarrassed and saying “please, miss Mima, cover yourself up.” Mima confidently says “are you INSANE!? And hide this GLORIOUS body of mine!?” Mima stands in the middle of the room, wearing only a light-green two-piece swimsuit, posing with style and saying “heck, I’m going to show off these magnificent legs of mine at the village!” She walks away after poofing a white towel that she places on her shoulders, then says “ciao. I’m off to show off.” After she leaves, Rika sighs, and seeming content she says “thank goodness. I would have felt terrible if something had happened to her because of me.” Suddenly, Reimu, Maribel and Renko kneel down next to Rika and grab her skirt, all shouting at the same time “PLEASE WAX MY LEGS!!!” Rika blushes beet red and pokes her fingers while flapping her wings very rapidly, stuttering “bu-bu-bu-but...” Suddenly Mima screams while a bird chirps. A small sparrow holds Mima’s top on its beak while flying away, and Mima, holding her chest with her arms shouts “COME BACK YOU MONSTER!!! Give me back my swimsuit!!” There are camera clicks and suddenly Mima stops and poses while still holding her chest and says “if you wanted to take pictures, you should have just asked, you naughty birdie!” Reimu and Renko stare at Mima in disbelief, while Rika and Maribel smile, and Maribel says “my, seems miss Mima is in need for attention.” Suddenly Reimu shouts “Mima!! Mima, your top! You don’t have your top on!!” While Renko, Maribel and Rika stare in complete shock to Mima, one of the floorboards pops open with Yuki underneath, who shouts “HI EVERYBODY!”

Later that day, Reimu walks to her donation box to check for donations, however it’s empty. She turns around and finds Suika with her horns suck on the ground, crossing her legs above her body while staring toward the shrine’s gate. Reimu approaches her and asks “er, Suika? Why are you like that?” In a calm and wise tone, Suika says “I accidentally fell off the roof and landed on my horns. I wasn’t able to free myself, and I thought I was being punished for something. However I have come to realize the reason for this, is so that I could see the world in a new perspective. Everything is light, and light is everything. Darkness is just an illusion and a dream.” Reimu worriedly looks at Suika through the corner of her eyes, then says “um, right. Look, maybe it’s time you turn around and come back to your senses.” Suika smiles and in the same tone as before she says “there is a reason you approached me and said those words... so perhaps you are right and I should return to normal... however...” Suika pushes against the ground with her arms with all her might, trying to free herself from the ground, but fails and says “as you can see, I am still stuck. Then again, maybe we are all stuck in a loop called life. An endless cycle that repeats itself, and only those few that are enlightened can steer away from this loop and find a new course through life, and...” Reimu sighs irritably, grabs Suika’s hip while she continues to talk, then pulls with all her might. Making a loud popping sound, Suika’s horns are freed from the ground, but Reimu flies away to the back of the shrine. Suika opens her eyes, feeling dizzy while doing so, then suddenly, sounding more normal she shouts “I... I’m back! I can’t believe this, I BACK!!!” Reimu, look! I’m back!” A watery wave carries the spluttering Reimu all the way to the shrine stairs, then takes her down them, picking up speed as they go down the mountain. Suika takes a really big gulp of Sake as she stares at the event with a childish expression, then says “nope... I’m still in the happy place.”

That night, Reimu wakes up during the middle of her sleep in her sleeping gown to drink some water. After she gets her water from the kitchen, she’s suddenly unsettled by the sound of flapping wings. She looks around suspiciously, then takes one step back, trying to grab a pan or anything else to defend herself, but she yelps out loud when she feels something soft and slippery brush past her fingers. She rolls away and suddenly holds her gohei and charms on her hands while still looking around suspiciously for anything inside the shrine. There’s a blur in front of her eyes headed to the left at great speeds, so she unleashes a few charms to her far left and quickly hears a quick chirp and a light thud. She manages to find a light and turn it on, revealing on the ground, next to her charm, a small sparrow that quickly kicks the charm away and glares at Reimu. Reimu stares at the tiny bird, then says “aww, I’m sorry. I thought you were a youkai.” The little bird hops toward Reimu and takes an offensive stance, then Reimu stares back with disgust and curiosity, then says “don’t you dare!” Rika wakes up just as a battle is unleashed in the living room. She hears Reimu shouting “ha! HYA~~! Don’t take me lightly you feathered FREAK!” There are continuous chirps and Reimu shouting “WHOA~! HYAH! You dirty little bird, you’re not... what the-?” Rika opens her sliding doors just as Reimu screams and flies straight toward Rika, falling on top of her maid with her underside raised up. There are a few clicks and some camera flashes, then Reimu opens her eyes wide with a quick “huh?”, then immediately jumps off Rika and rushes to the living room where there are more chirps and Reimu’s battle cries. When Rika stands up she opens her eye wide and shouts “oh my goodness! That’s the dreaded pinky twist.” Reimu groans, then cries UNCLE!” Rika covers here eyes and shouts “HOW HORRIBLE! A reversed leg-lock!” Rika uncovers her eyes, flaps her wings furiously, then reaches for Reimu, saying “tag me, miss Reimu!” Everyone, including the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, stop everything as a watery wave passes by the living room with Alice surfing in her swimsuit, accompanied by Shanghai and Hourai, both in small swimsuits of their own, sitting on Alice’s shoulders. The shrine’s sliding doors open on their own, letting the wave, Alice and her dolls outside, and before surfing out of view Alice makes the peace symbol with her fingers and says “’sup dudes!? See ya!” then surfs away. The little night sparrow face palms, then leaves the dumbfounded shrine maidens staring toward the door as he flies away.

The next day, Marisa flies straight to the open side-entrance of the shrine, calling “Reimu~! I came to play, ze!” There’s a sudden pressure on Marisa’s back, making her fall down hard. It’s Kyo, who for some odd reason fell on her back, leaving Marisa out of breath as she says “guh... h-heavy... fat... cow.” Kyo gasps in horror, then he’s suddenly off Marisa’s back and doing fast sit-ups by the trees, repeating “I... am not... fat... Fat... is... the enemy!” Marisa struggles to get up, then looks back at Kyo and says “didn’t meant it like that... but at least he’s off, ze.” She walks to the back of the shrine, and there... Reimu sits close to the storage house in meditation, while Rika practices sword-strikes while in her Soraogan mode. Marisa suddenly shrieks, then shouts “LOOK OUT! IT’S A BALL WITH ISSUES!!!” Reimu opens her left eye, only to be struck on the forehead by a small white ball with a black spot in it, knocking her out on impact. The ball bounces back to Rika, who drops her sword and catches it, however the balls comes with such force, Rika is pushed back against the trees and bushes, then somehow manages to bounce off to the air, where Suwako flies by, catches it, and exclaims “FINALLY! I’m going to have to GLUE these things!” She breathes on it, rubs it against her shirt, then places it on the left side of her hat, saying “is that better, Pyonta-kun?” The hat blinks twice, then Suwako flies away while saying “you should take better care of your things.” Down at the shrine, Rika looks around herself and finds countless black feathers, then panics and shouts “OH NO~! My feathers turned black!” She starts to panic and hyperventilate, then Reimu comes to her, rubbing her forehead while offering a free arm to Rika, casually saying relax, that’s not you.” Rika accepts her mistress’ hand, taking a deep breath and calming down, then says “oh my, sorry... I-I guess I lost myself there.” Reimu wraps her arms around Rika’s neck, and while they casually walk to the shrine Reimu calmly says “it’s alright. Come on, that bump really gave me an appetite.” Rika excitedly shouts “ALRIGHT!” On the bushes where Rika had landed, laying face down and buried on the ground is Aya, her wings crumpled up and softly saying “a..yaya...ya~!” Marisa passes by and looks at Aya, then gasps in surprise and shouts “OH MY GODS! Aya has pointy ears!!!”

That night, both Rika and Reimu walk to the shrine’s living room while in their sleeping robes, investigating some thumping sounds. Rika whispers “I’ll get the light, my lady.” Then goes on ahead while Reimu holds her gohei, ready at hand. After turning on the light, Rika yelps and Reimu immediately shouts “Rika, what’s wrong!?” Rika trembles as she raises her right arm and points toward the shrine’s cabinet just as Reimu reaches her side. Reimu looks and notices the two-door cabinet standing next to her own, then Rika says “see? I told you.” Reimu gets closer and says “I don’t sense anything coming from inside... Let’s open it!” Rika nervously says “my lady, are you sure it’s safe?” Reimu confidently says “if we want to get to the bottom of this, we HAVE to open it.” Rika gulps, then nods. Reimu reaches for the doors and slowly opens them up... but nothing happens. Rika sighs loud, feeling greatly relieved, then Reimu confidently says “see? Nothing happened. Now, let’s take this thing outside and go back to sleep.” Rika bows and says “right away, my lady!” Luize pops out from inside the cabinet and grabs Rika while shouting “got a live one!”, and dragging her inside and closing the cabinet doors. Reimu immediately grabs the doors, calling out to Rika and pulls open the cabinet, then Rika and Reimu burst out of the cabinet, Rika wearing a pastel light-blue swimsuit with a white stripe across the chest, and a white lotus adorning her head and looking very refreshed and happy, while Reimu falls to the ground, looking exhausted and beat up, wearing a strapped two-piece red and white swimsuit and the usual ribbon on her head. The cabinet closes up and vanishes, then Rika exclaims “that was fun, wasn’t it, my lady!? Those men sure were very nice!” Reimu lies on the ground, and sounding exhausted she says “Rika, you really need to pay attention to the atmosphere. Those pigs wanted to EAT you!” Rika suddenly panics, then says “bu-but I don’t think I would be tasty at all!!” Reimu whisper to herself “geez, she just doesn’t get it.”

The next morning, Rika moans contently while stretching in her futon before waking up. Outside, the sun shines bright, the birds sing their songs, and there are loud bangs, thuds and crashes inside the shrine. Rika suddenly springs up and says to herself “wait, that’s not good!” She rushes out of her futon and runs to the living room, finding Reimu dressed up in a red, white and black bear-back leotard, wearing her ribbon like a head band, a pair of knee-high lace boots, and long black and red wrist cuffs, standing in a tall square ring that somehow fits inside the living room. Rika stares with the outmost curiosity, then asks “m-my lady? I-is that you?” Reimu looks back, and with a smile on her face she says “good morning, Rika!” Reimu notices how Rika continues to stare, then casually says “oh, this? I’m having a little sparring match with this little night sparrow. You wouldn’t believe how great I feel after doing this.” Standing on the other corner of the ring, wearing a tiny black muscle shirt and a black headband is the RKNS, who flaps his little wings and chirps angrily, then Reimu says “oh right, sorry. Let’s go! Show me what you got, little man!” Rika stands awestruck, her eyes hidden under a light shadow, as she watches the two of them go at it, kicking, punching, applying submission holds, then finally, after an hour, Reimu sighs and says “phew... I think that’s enough for today.” The little sparrow chirps, then shortly after, Reimu jumps over the ropes and lands next to Rika, saying “I tell you, these sessions have actually increased my stamina and vitality beyond my former limit... Rika?” Reimu notices Rika’s expression, then passes her hand in front of Rika’s eyes, making her react and quickly ask “my lady, what is all this? And how did you get that wrestling ring inside?” Reimu looks confused at Rika and casually asks “what ring?” Rika takes another look, then her face turns a little red as her eyes get watery and her body starts to shiver, then she stutters “bu-but...but... I-I-I saw it... w-w-with my eyes...” Reimu sighs and asks “Rika, are you still asleep?” Rika turns to the RKNS and says “mister sparrow, help me here!” The little sparrow chirps, then simply flies away, making Rika chase after him, shouting “wait, please come back mister sparrow!” There is a loud ripping sound, Rika’s yelp, then a camera click, followed by unsettled bushes. Reimu runs outside, shouting “Rika, what happened!?”, but finds nobody. She walks toward the back of the shrine, and from behind some bushes Rika whispers “my lady~!” Reimu turns around and finds Rika hiding under a bush, then asks “Rika, what happened? Why did you scream?” Rika looks at Reimu with sad, glassy puppy eyes and a blushing face and cries “he took my clothes.” Reimu sighs and says “that bird’s a menace... here.” There is another loud ripping sound and Reimu hands her leotard to Rika, who screams “MY LADY, WHAT ARE YOU DO... ing!?” When Rika takes a better look, Reimu is now wearing her usual attire, even her detached sleeves. She points at Reimu with a trembling hand and asks “how did that happen?” Reimu confidently replies “you think I would wear that without something underneath? Now come on, get this on so you can head inside and change.” Reluctantly Rika says “ok” and grabs the small outfit. After putting it on she start to blush, still hiding under the bush, then says “this is embarrassing, miss Reimu.” Reimu giggles and says “come on Rika, it’s just to the shrine. Who’s gonna see?” Reluctantly, Rika says “alright” then walks away from the bushes. Reimu’s entire face turns red when she sees Rika wearing that leotard with her wings stiffened and her face all red. Looking embarrassed, Rika tries to cover herself as she asks “ho-how do I look in this?” Reimu smiles and says “you-you look cute, heheh.” Rika asks “do I really?” Suddenly, the RKNS rushes by with a camera, taking countless pictures as fast as possible while bleeding through his nose and chirping excitedly. Rika screams “ah~! No, stop! Mister sparrow, stop! This isn’t proper!”, then runs inside the shrine, flapping her wings as she does. After Rika leaves, the RKNS approaches Reimu with the photos already developed and ready, and while Reimu accepts them and exchanges panty-shots of Marisa and Suika for them, then says “good, good. The plan worked... perfectly.” The RKNS cleans the blood off its nose and chirps, then Reimu says “yes, she did look cute... Now remember the deal. That girl and I better not be in that album, or I’ll expose THESE for the next issue.” Reimu flashes pictures of Shanghai beating the little sparrow numerous times, so the RKNS sweats, salutes Reimu, and after chirping, he flies away. Meanwhile, Reimu goes through the photos she just received with glints in her eyes and a crescent smile.

That afternoon, Reimu enjoys tea by the shrine’s porch, when Rika excitedly runs to her in her Soraogan mode, saying “miss Reimu, miss Reimu! Look I did it! I performed the dance using my sword!” Reimu happily replies “oh, I’m so glad for you! Let me see!” Rika happily bows and says “certainly, my lady!” Rika holds her wooden sword in hand, closes her eyes, then starts to dance around while gracefully swinging her sword around her. She stops for a moment, allowing her skirt to dance around her for a moment, then jumps and flips in the air, swinging her sword down hard, then there a loud “thwack” and some rumbling, quickly followed by a groan, and Reimu’s laughter. Rika opens her eyes and asks “huh? Did I just hit something... KYAH!” Beside her, buried on the ground with a large bump on her head and an annoyed look on her face is Yuka Kazami, who calmly says “so this is what I get for visiting your stupid shine.” Reimu holds her mouth with her hand to try and stop laughing, but still giggling she says “I’m sorry, but it’s just so ironic.” Rika bows and continues to apologize to Yuka, while Yuka asks Reimu “what is ‘so ironic’?” Reimu says “Rika just planted a flower youkai.” Reimu continues to laugh while rain falls on the annoyed-looking Yuka, who looks to Rika and says “that’s enough, dear.” Rika smiles and says “if you need anything else, please let me know.”, then bows and walks away.

That night, Reimu’s sleep is disturbed by a bright green glow that’s coming from the living room. She somberly gets up to investigate, and quickly finds Rika, wearing a light-green dress, similar to those you see in fairy tales. Reimu raises an eyebrow, and looking disgusted she asks “Rika, what the hell are you wearing?” Rika smiles and whimsically replies “ah, my lady! Welcome.” When Reimu gets closer, she realizes the living room is full of glowing flowers, there’s a small river with its own waterfall coursing through the walls and floors, and seemingly meditating underneath the falling water, is the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow. Reimu angrily says “Rika, what is the meaning of this!?” Rika seems to be walking in the air as she approaches Reimu, and in a calm and soothing voice she says “nature is wonderful miss Reimu. It provides us with what we need, it soothes us, gives us peace. Come, my lady, and join me in this wonderful celebration of nature.” Reimu turns her head away while crossing her arms across her chest and says “Rika, just clean this place up... wait, what the hell!?” Reimu realizes she’s wearing a pastel-pink fairy dress just like Rika’s, and looking infinitely embarrassed, her cheeks tomato red, she shouts “why am I wearing this thing!? Ugh! Get it off me!” Rika turns on the lights and approaches Reimu, and looking very disappointed she asks “you really don’t like it?” Reimu shouts “no~! This is very embarrassing! Look, just take all those flowers and that river out of here already!” Rika asks “what are you talking about, my lady?” Reimu takes another look and realizes the shrine is back to normal. She raises her eyebrow again, then says “you’re messing with me, aren’t you?” Rika sweats, but before she can answer, the RKNS comes with a camera and rapidly takes as many pictures of Reimu as possible while bleeding through his nose and chirping excitedly. Reimu tries to cover herself up with her arms while still blushing bright red and crying “no~! Stop, you stupid bird! AHH~! Rika, stop him! WAAHH~!” Reimu runs crying back to her room, then slams the door shot and shouts “get... this... thing... OFF of me!!!”, accompanied by many ripping sounds and Reimu’s angry screams. The RKNS approaches Rika, who sighs and says “there, are you happy now?” The RKNS chirps and hands over the already developed and ready pictures of Reimu in the frilly outfit, then Rika hands him a high-quality pack of bird seeds, then says “now remember your promise, please. Keep me and my lady out of that album.” The little sparrow nods and chirps, to which Rika smiles and coos happily, then kisses the little bird’s head, catching him by surprise and making a white steam cloud appear on his head while he blushes bright red and falls on the ground. Rika giggles after witnessing this, then Reimu, from her room shouts “I hope those aren’t dark dealings being made behind my back!!!” Rika twitches and whispers “oh my.”

The next morning Reimu sits by the table, enjoying breakfast, while Rika is in the kitchen, humming while she cleans the plates and pots she used for cooking. Rika stops humming and focuses on something, then asks “my lady, do you hear that?” Reimu asks “hear what?” There is a faint scream coming from above the shrine, then something breaks though the roof, then through the floor. Reimu spits out her tea and shouts “DAMMIT TENSHI!!! It’s just one more week, you impatient celestial!!!” Rika calmly says “my lady, that wasn’t miss Tenshi.” From the hole on the floor, rubbing her head in pain is Byakuren, who groans and looks up to the sky and says “uu~ that really hurt... That’s the last time I play with the floor wax.” Reimu asks “what happened to you!? And look at what you did to my roof!” Byakuren closes her eyes, looking apologetically at Reimu, then says “I’m sorry. I’ll get Naz-chan and Mini-chan on it.” Reimu calms down and helps Byakuren out of the hole, then, looking slightly embarrassed and forcing a smile, Byakuren says “heh heh, I was fooling around with something and fell off the Palanquin.” Reimu smiles dangerously, then says “well, why didn’t you just fly back?” Byakuren sweat, forcing a nervous smile, then says “oh dear... I forgot I could fly.” Reimu is about to address to Rika, when the shrine maid yelps, followed by a loud crunch. Reimu exclaims “Rika, what happened?” From the storage house Rika shouts “nothing my lady~! Just cleaning around here~!” Surprised, Reimu looks up the hole in the kitchen’s roof, and asks “but then... who..?” From the roof, Suika says “ouch. I fell through the roof!” Reimu walks halfway to the kitchen and shouts “what the hell is going on here... Byakuren can you believe... this?” When Reimu turns to Byakuren, she’s gone, along with the hole in the roof over the living room, and the hole in the floor, then she turns to the kitchen, the hole on the roof there also gone. Reimu opens her mouth wide, her eyes cast under a dark shadow. She turns around and looks at the ceiling and living room floor, then back at the kitchen, then starts to shiver.

It’s almost dark when Marisa and Alice arrive to the lively shrine. Inside, Rika’s attending to Mima, Suika and Reimu as they finish their meal, and after spotting them Rika smiles and says “welcome miss Marisa and miss Alice!” The moment Rika finishes her greeting, Shanghai and Hourai pop from behind Alice and excitedly exclaim at the same time “it’s miss Rika~!”, and fly straight to her as she heads to the kitchen. While Rika happily greets the two little dolls, Reimu gets up and says “ah, Marisa, Alice. You arrived just in time. I just finished baking some peach pies. Would you like some?” Both girls bow, Marisa replying with a smile “I would definitely like a piece, ze!”, while Alice calmly replies “yes, thank you very much.” While the everyone else is enjoying their pieces of pie by the table, Rika entertains the dolls for a while, then Alice suddenly chuckles and says “Shanghai, Hourai, leave miss Rika alone for a while.” Rika smiles and says “I don’t mind”, to which Alice replies “but I’m sure you’d want to eat that last piece of pie before it gets too cold, right?” Rika eyes the very last slice of pie in the pan and drools, then nods and smiles as she says “you’re right... I do want to eat miss Reimu’s amazingly delicious peach pie.” Rika approaches the counter where the pie is, just waiting for her to eat it. She casually extends her arm toward it, and right when her hand is inches away from it, another hand reaches for it and quickly takes it away. Nazrin is crouching just below the counter as she reaches for the pie. She opens her mouth wide and gobbles down the whole piece in one move. Rika stands just as she was, with her hand reaching for her pie, though failing to get it before the mouse youkai. Nazrin rubs her belly with both hands and sounding satisfied she says “wow, that was good. I wonder what else is here?” Reimu shouts “hey, what the hell you do that for!?” Nazrin winks and says “hey, I’m a mouse. That’s what I do.” An ominous aura surrounds Rika, her eyes hidden under a black shadow, her mouth and nose covered by the scarf around her neck. When Nazrin realizes this, Rika is holding her family sword in one hand, and reaching for Nazrin’s tail with the other. Reimu stands up and quickly shouts “RUN YOU STUPID MOUSE~!” At that very moment, Rika swings her sword, making Nazrin cover her head with her hands, however it appears she missed. The mouse inside Nazrin’s basked is now on Nazrin’s shoulder and squeaking rapidly, and when Nazrin takes a look, the basket on her tail is now tiny square pieces on the ground. Nazrin gulps, then rushes away as fast as she can, just as Rika swings her sword one more time, then a glint escapes Rika’s eyes as she stares outside to where Nazrin went. Panting while running on all fours, Nazrin says “crap, I’m in trouble again. Gotta hide... but where? Home? No! Lady Hijiri will find out I stole food again. The village? No! that butcher is still looking for me. Uu-, uu-... The Bamboo Forest!” After running for what seems like hours, Nazrin drops on the ground inside a clearing on the Bamboo Forest of the Lost. She takes deep breaths to recover, then says “f-finally. I think I’m safe now!” There is a light rumble, but Nazrin ignores it, until there is another rumble. She says to herself “ca-calm down Nazrin, it’s probably just a few tremors...” From the distance, bamboo shoots drop to the ground, making a terrible cracking sound before finally falling hard on the ground. Nazrin starts to tremble so violently, she can’t get up from the ground. There is a loud roar and the sound of metal slicing through the bamboo across the clearing in front of her. The bamboo shoots fall right in front of her, missing her legs and tail by mere inches, and when Nazrin looks through the gap left behind... there’s nothing. All that is there is a view to the destruction of the forest, and the sound of Nazrin’s agitated breath. Nazrin gasps in relief, but she quickly quiets down as an ominous feeling reaches her very spirit. Something passes by so fast, only a blur is seen, followed by a few white feathers falling to the ground. Nazrin panics and grabs a spell card from under her capelet and shouts “Defense Sign Pendulum Guard!!” Right after she calls her spell and gets completely surrounded by a blue crystal, Rika appears in front of her, holding her sword with both hands, her wings expanded, her eyes hidden in shadow, and looking ominously at her target. Nazrin confidently says “haha~! There’s no way you can break through THIS!” Rika jumps right in front of Nazrin and unleashes her blade so fast, it looks like a blur as it moves, then drops back to the ground. Nazrin looks curiously, then asks “what was that all...” Before she can finish, her protective crystal breaks into perfect little triangles, then she falls on her face on the ground. Right after lifting her face, she finds Rika right in front of her, wrapping her wings around them both. Nazrin freezes with fear, and is unable to move as those wings trap her, and then... A hand pops itself in front of Rika, holding a plate with a piece of peach pie on it, then Reimu casually says “here you go Rika, Specially made for you.” Rika gasps, smiles, and grabs her plate while flapping her wings happily, saying “yumm~! Thank you my lady!” Reimu smirks as she stares at the still frozen-in-fear Nazrin, then casually says with a smile “be thankful I always make two.” Reimu pats Rika’s back as her wings shrink again, then says “come on Rika, let’s go home.” Rika and Reimu lift to the air, while Rika happily flaps her wings and contently says “mmm, mistress Reimu’s peach pies are the BEST!” As they leave, Nazrin takes a deep, deep breath of relief and says to her mouse partner “I really have to be more careful.” The mouse nods, and a giant wave comes by and drags her away toward the village, making her scream for help while Nitori surfs the wave and shouts “YEAH-HA~! This is perfect! Now all I need are test subjects to test it, and my portable wave will be a success!”

The next morning at the shrine, Reimu and Rika sit by the roof, looking at the clouds in the sky. Reimu says “well, your fight is in one week? Are you certain you don’t want to reconsider?” Rika shakes her head lightly, then says “it’s alright my lady. I’ll teach that celestial a lesson, and be back here before dinner.” Both Reimu and Rika giggle, then continue to watch the clouds, then suddenly, a washtub falls on Reimu, knocking her down on to the roof. Rika shouts “miss Reimu!” Mima flies up and exclaims “I saw that!” The RKNS flies by and grabs Mima’s hat, then Mima rapidly give chase, shouting “HEY! That’s my hat!!” Rika looks to Mima and asks “what about miss Reimu?” Marisa flies by and says “I’ll help you with that!”, then a small missile flies straight to Marisa, striking her broom and sending her twirling to the lake behind the shrine, shouting “mayday, mayday! Beautiful blonde falling! AHH~!” After a loud splash, Rika sighs and says “this is most unfortunate.” From her left comes Hina spinning and saying “misfortunes come to me~!” Rika smiles and asks “will you help me?” Hina giggles, then casually says “no”, then spins away. Aya comes from the trees and shouts “I’ll help you!”, but right after she’s finishes speaking, a blue UFO comes by and beams Aya, making her scream as she is sucked inside of it. Rika shouts “ok, this isn’t funny anymore. My lady, wake up! KYAH!” The roof underneath Rika breaks, and from inside the shrine Rika groans and says “oh... I fell through the roof.” Reimu suddenly wakes up, groans, then rubs her head and says “washtubs are a menace!”

The End!

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-
Kyo was created by Willie G.R.
Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

MAR 7 2010
Written by
Willie G.R.