Friday, February 12, 2010

Scarlet Mishap Mansion

It’s a beautiful winter evening at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and Sakuya is walking down the quite corridors, heading toward her mistress’ room, since it’s about time to wake her up. She arrives at her mistress’ bedroom door, and before entering she makes sure her skirt is straight, her bonnet is centered, then pulls out a mirror from under her chest and makes sure her face looks presentable. “Perfect” she whispers to herself, hiding the mirror back under her shirt and smiling, ready to knock on the door. A soft gust enters through the open window next to the door, making an unsettling whooshing sound. Sakuya is momentarily startled, but quickly composes herself and says “goodness, this window is open in such a cold evening? The useless fairy maids must have not closed it properly.” Closing the window, Sakuya says “there we go” then heads back to her mistress’ bedroom door. She raises her hand, then looks left, then right, smiles, places her knuckle on the door, and a golden washtub knocks her to the ground. Dizzily, Sakuya gets up, moaning as she tries to keep her balance. She recovers and quickly looks above, but sees nothing. The object that had struck her had vanished as well. Sakuya sighs and says “it’s a little early for these gags. I can tell, it’s going to be a long one.” She notices a smudge on her skirt, then realizes her entire outfit is crumpled and dirty. Sakuya turns pale as she yelps, then runs away to her room, shouting “NO~! I have to change, QUICK!” Right after Sakuya leaves the corridor, Remilia somberly peeks out of her door. White powder falls all over her, but she’s still so sleepy she doesn’t even notice. She covers her mouth as she yawns then enters her room again, somberly saying “mmm~ just 5 more minutes...” The door silently closes and shortly after Sakuya arrives to the door again, wearing the same outfit as before, only clean and tidy, noticing the white powder on the floor. Her face turns a little red as she scowls and says “oy! This wasn’t here just now.” In the blink of an eye, Sakuya now holds a broom and a scoop, and in another blink, the floor is clean and Sakuya prepares to, once more, enter her mistress’ bedroom. She knocks softly on the door, then jumps back. Nothing happens. She smiles and thinks it’s safe, so she calmly enters her mistress’ bedroom. Upon entering, like always, Sakuya softly says “good evening my lady~. It’s time to wake up.” Remilia sits up on the bed, rubs her eyes, then says “*yawn* good evening Sakuya... I was hoping to sleep a little longer, but it seems...” Sakuya looks at her mistress with a smile on her face, then realizes Remilia is as white as a ghost. Sakuya immediately screams “MY LADY~!” Remilia jumps from her bed and crashes on her face on the ground. Sakuya grabs Remilia by her arms and cries “no~ my lady is DEAD~! How could I let this HAPPEN~!? My lady, I’m so sorry~!” While Sakuya continues to cry, Remilia tries to get her attention, quickly losing her patience. Remilia takes a sudden breath of air, then shouts at the top of her lungs “SAKUYA, ENOUGH ALREADY!!!” The force of Remilia’s shout blows the white powder away from herself and on to Sakuya, who coughs, calms down, then says “*cough cough* oh my... It’s just flour.” Sakuya placer her mistress on the floor, where a creature made entirely of water gobbles her up. Remilia screams at the top of her lungs “Sakuya~! Sakuya~~! KILL THIS THING! KYAH~~~!!!” Sakuya smiles and says “I’m so glad my lady is safe!”

At the dining room, Remilia enjoys tea and dessert after a nice meal of scrambled eggs with blood sauce and rare meats. Patchouli sits on the right side of Remilia, her head full of lumps and looking at Remilia with contempt, while Koakuma places an ice bag on the lumps. Flandre somberly walks up to the left side of the table, and immediately after sitting and somberly saying “good morning everyone” Sakuya places her meal in front of her and says “it’s ‘good evening’ young mistress.” Flandre casually takes a bit of scrambled eggs on her shop-sticks and says “yeah, yeah *yawn* Good evening.” The rest of the meal time is quiet, even after Meiling arrives, complaining about the harsh cold weather outside. The silent meal is quickly interrupted by a blast coming from Patchouli’s library. Remilia glares at Patchouli, who gets nervous and quickly says “don’t look at me, I’m not doing any more experiments.” Koakuma adds “besides, we are all here, right?” There is another blast and a small rumble. Patchouli sighs, rubs her forehead, then angrily says “Marisa~!” Patchouli gets up from the table and as she walks down to her basement Sakuya asks “need assistance?” Patchouli casually says “it’s alright. Koakuma and I will deal with the rat ourselves.” Koakuma bows and hurries to Patchouli’s side. Sakuya looks at Remilia, who sighs and calmly says “don’t worry, she can take care of it.” Not even a minute passes by when Patchouli and Koakuma run back to the dinner table. Their clothes are in tatters, torn in various places, their faces are filled with terror and their eyes tremble along with their bodies. They run under the table, then Sakuya worriedly asks “lady Patchouli, Koa? What happened?” Patchouli and Koakuma nervously peek their heads through the table’s cloth and Patchouli says “it’s just horrible.... it’s horrible!” Koakuma whimpers “I never knew something so small could be so dangerous!” Remilia strikes the table with her fist and says “you are RESIDENTS of the Scarlet Devil Mansion! I will NOT allow you to behave like cowards, now GET out of there!” Reluctant, Patchouli and Koakuma come out of hiding, then Remilia says “Sakuya will go with you this time.” Sakuya bows her head and says “understood.” She takes a step away from Remilia, then falls through the floor. Remilia opens her eyes wide and stretches her mouth in surprise as she gets up and looks at the seemingly solid floor. She bends down and asks “Sakuya? Are you there?” From behind Sakuya asks “what are you looking for, my lady?” Remilia yelps and jumps, falling through the seemingly solid floor. Sakuya sweats and shouts “my lady!!” Flandre runs next to the magical hole and shouts “this looks like fun” and immediately jumps in with a “weeee~” Sakuya kneels on the floor and pats the apparent hole, however she finds nothing. Her eyes hide under her hair as she sweats and says “oh my.” Flandre falls on her bedroom bed and disappointedly says “aww, what a joy kill.” Remilia is to her left, screaming her head off as she is gobbled up once more by a water creature. Flandre gasps and shouts “Jumy~! Where have you been?” The creature spits Remilia out, takes the shape of a pup, then runs to Flandre, licking her face and making her giggle. Remilia stares at Flandre, trembling, sweating, and her eyes hiding under a shadow.

Remilia walks by one of the many corridors of the mansion, staring at the ceiling and noticing a very old-looking broken piece of wood. She frowns while staring at it for some time, then quickly says “Sakuya, bring the ladder!” In an instant, Sakuya stands next to Remilia, holding a very tall ladder and placing it just under the rotten piece of wood, saying “I’m sorry my lady. I’ll take care of this myself. Looking proud, Remilia closes her eyes, placing both arms on her waist and saying “Sakuya, you make your mistress proud.” Just as Remilia finishes speaking, Sakuya yelps, followed by a disturbing loud cracking sound. Remilia’s face twists with surprise then slowly looks up, noticing a large hole on the ceiling. From the floor above Sakuya shouts “I’m ok~! It seems I fell through the roof.” Remilia’s enter body stiffens as she shouts “how the hell did you do that!!?”

Remilia stands in her room, crossing her arms, tapping her left foot on the floor while looking impatiently at the top of her cabinet. Sakuya enters the room and asks “did you call for me, my lady?” Remilia expels her breath and says “finally!” There’s a beautiful chirp that progresses to a song. Remilia points at the source on the top of her cabinet and says “that pretty bird is annoying. Get it out!” Sakuya bows and says “immediately, my lady.” In the blink of an eye, Sakuya has a small sparrow on her hands. She presents it to her mistress and while smiling she says “I’ll be taking this little guy outside now.” Remilia rushes closer, hurriedly saying “wait, wait! I wanna pet it!” Sakuya smiles, bends down, then says “certainly.” Remilia rubs the little bird’s head lightly and says “uu~ so soft *giggle*.” Sakuya smiles widely and says “he’s adorable, isn’t he?” From outside the room Remilia and Sakuya’s voice can be clearly heard. Remilia asks “hey... what’s he doing?” Sakuya replies “my, this little one sure is feisty.” There’s a long pause, then a sudden crash, followed by Remilia and Sakuya’s screams. Remilia cries “waa-ha-ha~! Sakuya, save me!” Sakuya shouts “kyah~ He’s got my arms!” There’s another loud crash and many angry chirps. Remilia screams “Sakuya~!” Sakuya screams back “RUN MY LADY!” Remilia and Sakuya burst out of the room with their clothes torn, dirty and full of feathers. They shut the door tightly and step away, trying to catch their breaths. From inside, the little night sparrow strikes the door and almost breaks it down, so Remilia and Sakuya bar the door with their bodies, then Sakuya exclaims “who the hell taught martial arts to that little monster!” Remilia exclaims “screw that! Who taught it the value of jewelry!?” Outside the gate, on the cold winter night, Meiling practices her martial arts while explaining to herself how she does every move. On the trees around her, the little youkai birds watch unblinking, with bright glints in their little eyes.

Meiling enters the mansion, saying to herself “that was a nice session. Now a nice bath, then I can go to sleep.” Flandre casually walks to Meiling and stares at her while she stretches. Meiling notices Flandre and asks “oh, young mistress. Everything alright?” Flandre smiles and says “there’s something in one-sama’s room. They need you.” Meiling and Flandre arrive to Remilia’s room, where Remilia and Sakuya continue to push back against the door as the little sparrow continues to try and break it down while chirping angrily. Meiling asks “what’s going on here?” Sakuya quickly replies “Meiling, this is your expertise. There’s a monster in there and it knows martial arts.” Remilia shouts “quit jabbering and get it OUT OF THERE!” Meiling cracks her fists and with a confident look on her face she says “better stand back, then. I’ll take care of it.” Remilia and Sakuya back away from the door and Meiling quickly enters the room, closing the door behind her. From inside Meiling is heard saying “what? It’s just a cute little sparrow. Hello little guy~.” Sakuya shouts “Don’t be fooled!” There’s a loud crash and Meiling screams “Hya~! Why you sneaky little monster! That was LOW! Take THIS! Hya! Hoo~ HAH!” Smacking sounds echo all around the corridor and all through the mansion itself. From behind Flandre, sounding annoyed, Patchouli asks “what’s with all the noise? It’s impossible to read with such a racket!” From inside there’s another loud crash followed by Meiling’s “jaooo~”, quickly followed by another loud crash. Sakuya says “lady Patchouli. There’s a dangerous monster inside the mistress’ room. Meiling’s dealing with it as we speak.” Meiling screams before Patchouli is able to reply, causing Sakuya to worry and shout “Meiling! I’m coming!” Sakuya opens the door and finds Meiling with her arms raised above her head and looking terrorized. The little night sparrow clings on the neck of her shirt and is placing it’s right claw right below the connection between her jaw and neck. Meiling whimpers “d-don’t... Th-that’s a vital point!” Patchouli peeks inside and exclaims “crap! That’s the monster form before!” The little bird chirps angrily, then Meiling and Sakuya are tossed outside of the room, both falling on the floor. Remilia shouts “what the heck happened!?” There is a loud chirp and the sound of a spell card being activated. Patchouli screams “HIT THE FLOOR!”, then jumps on the floor beside Flandre, both holding their heads. Remilia nervously looks around, then asks “what, what!? What’s happening!?” She looks inside her room and notices a small sun in her room. She points at it and asks “hey Patchy, isn’t that your Solar Flare spell?” Remilia’s scream is heard all the way to Cirno’s house. The little fairy springs up from her bed and somberly says “hey~! Keep quiet over there.” Remilia’s screaming stops, so she drops back on her bed and immediately falls asleep again.

Inside the now dimly lit room, Remilia and Sakuya start to clean up the mess left by the rabid karate night sparrow. While Sakuya occasionally stops time, finishing some repairs in what seems like an instant, Remilia grumbles to herself while dusting the debris off her bed. Sakuya looks both concerned and worried for her mistress, then says “cheer up, my lady. It was just a plastic ring.” Remilia grumbles some more, then says “yes, I know, but you remember the trouble we had to go through to have that gap hag pop those treat boxes over here.” Sakuya sighs and says “you’re right. Those cereal boxes were very tasty, weren’t they?” Remilia smiles and tries to reply, but her cabinet starts moving around and making a loud sound that comes from inside. Sakuya and Remilia embrace one another and Remilia trembles while saying “Sa-Sa-Sa-Sakuya.... That bird left... r-right?” Sakuya gulps and says “I saw it flying toward the open window in Meiling’s room.” The cabinet jumps violently, making the two girls even more nervous. Sakuya sweats, gulps, then says “I’m checking it out!” Remilia lets go of Sakuya, trembling and sweating, then says “b-b-be careful!” Sakuya grabs the cabinet dual door, gulps, then says “here I go!” Remilia shouts “WAIT!” She runs to the left of the cabinet and says “if that bird is there, it’s best if we get him together.” Sakuya nods, smiles, then says “thank you so much, my lady!” Sakura readies herself to open the doors, then Remilia counts for her “one... t-two... THREE!!!” Sakuya opens the doors and Remilia springs out of the cabinet, crying “Sakuya you IDIOT! Do you know how long I’ve been stuck in there!? You mean maid, how long were you going to WAIT!? I KNOCKED on the doors, even!” Sakuya looks to the left of the cabinet, but Remilia isn’t there. She looks at her crying mistress and asks “my... but my lady, weren’t you with me here just now!? You were standing to the left! How could you be in there!?” Remilia cries “now you’re making excuses!? I’m taking maid points off your score. WAAAH~~!!!” Remilia runs away from her room, crying and shouting “Patchy~! Patchy, where are you~” Sakuya drops on her knees, sweating while staring at the cabinet and softly knocking on her own head with her right fist.

It’s midnight, and Remilia has decided to exit the mansion and fly around outside to calm down. Meanwhile, Sakuya finishes cleaning and repairing everything inside Remilia’s room. After exiting the room she says “I better start preparing my lady’s meal. It’s almost lunch time.” Most of the lights in the corridor are now either off or dim; Sakuya makes her way through it, her footsteps echoing all over. It’s so silent, it’s almost eerie, but Sakuya takes this moment of silence to relax. She comes across Flandre, who smiles and asks “Sakuya, have you seen one-sama or Jumy around?” Sakuya smiles and says “I haven’t seen Jumy, but the mistress is outside, exercising her wings.” Flandre slumps and says “aww. I’m lonely. Wanna play?” Sakuya flinches and says “err, I’m going to cook lunch now, so why don’t you ask Meiling?” Flandre looks down frustrated and disappointed, then says “but she’s sleeping.” Sakuya chuckles and says “nonsense. I’m sure she’ll play with you. Why don’t you run along and I’ll summon you when lunch’s ready?” Flandre waves her wings and arms slowly and sounding very disappointed she says “oh, alright.” Flandre runs along, away from Sakuya, who swipes the sweat off her forehead and says “managed that alright.” Sakuya continues her way through the corridor, unaware that Remilia is crawling on the ceiling, stalking her, bearing her teeth while her eyes glow red. Sakuya slows down and Remilia drops from the ceiling and shouts “GAH! I’m gonna eat you~!” Sakuya trips on a carpet lump and Remilia flies right over her, landing on the water monster that immediately gobbles her up and makes her spin around in her stomach. Remilia tries to scream with all her might, but the watery creature’s body muffles her voice. The creatures scurries away with Remilia in its belly while Sakuya slowly gets up, saying “ow, ow, ow, ow. That hurt.” She gets up and dusts herself, then says “so glad nobody saw that.”

Sakuya arrive to her mistress’ room, knocks on the door, then says “my lady, lunch is almost ready!” From inside, Remilia shouts “Sakuya~ The cabinet is making weird sounds again!” Sakuya gulps and sweats. She thinks of just running away, but that would disgrace her as a maid. She takes a deep breath and opens the door, blowing some blood from her nose when she finds Remilia covering herself up with her bed-sheets, peeking with her large, glassy, worried-looking eyes toward the cabinet. Sakuya wipes the blood off her nose, then says “allow me to take care of the cabinet for you, my lady!” Remilia jumps from her bed and shouts “oh no, this time I’m helping!” She walks up to the cabinet’s left side and says “I’ll open the left door and you open the right one. Got it!?” Moved, Sakuya smiles and says “my lady, you are most kind!” After readying themselves, Remilia counts “alright... one... two... THREE!” Sakuya and Remilia pull open the cabinet doors, then spring out from inside the cabinet, crying, sobbing and embracing each other tightly while trembling in fear. Sakuya cries “*sob* we-we’re out, my lady. We’re finally out of there!” Remilia cries “Sa-Sakuya... thank you so much. I... I wouldn’t have lasted!” Sakuya replies “don’t say such things, my lady.! I only led those hunters away. You did all the work!” Remilia calms down a bit and says “Sa-Sakuya, remember. Not a WORD to the others!” Sakuya replies “*sob* my... my lips are sealed, my lady!”

Remilia walks down the basement corridor, thinking of visiting Patchouli’s library to pass the time. There is a sudden chirp. Remilia’s eyes open wide for a moment, then she turns around very suddenly, bearing her claws, ready to strike at anything that might move. She clenches her teeth, then shouts “you rotten night sparrow. I’m going to GET you!” There’s another chirp, but she’s unable to tell where it’s coming from. She decides to prepare her spell card, declaring “Divine Spear - Spear of the Gungnir!” Remilia looks around with spear in hand, uncertain of where the chirping is coming from. She walks further in and reaches the library’s door, but before opening she looks to where she came from, then looks further ahead into the corridor. She sighs and closes her eyes, and after opening them again, there is the rabid karate night sparrow, resting on one of Remilia’s most comfortable chairs, glaring back at Remilia, who raises her spear above her head. The sparrow squawks, lifts its right claw, then flips the middle finger. Remilia’s eyes burn with fire, then she angrily shouts “you meatless chicken, you’ll PAY FOR THAT!” Inside the library, Patchouli is quietly sitting in front of her desk, reading a single book, a magazine from the outside world. There are screams and loud explosions coming from outside. She slams the magazine on the desk and angrily says “honestly, how am I ever supposed to read with Remilia screaming her head off like that all night!?” The library’s door burst open and Remilia flies inside with terror in her eyes, flying as fast as her wings can take her. Behind her, the rabid karate night sparrow has her Spear of Gungnir on its left claw and is breaking off pieces and firing them at Remilia with its right. Remilia shouts “Patchy~! Do something! Stop that damned bird!” The night sparrow chirps angrily while chasing Remilia, matching her speeds, and tossing more pieces of the spear at her. Patchouli flies up to meet the two intruders and pulls out a spell card, however, the two flying creatures zip past her too quickly, so she can’t aim. Patchouli sighs and says “Koa, try and slow them do-...” A large golden washtub falls on Patchouli’s head, knocking her out of the air with a quick “mukyu!” Koakuma peeks her head from above of where Patchouli was, looks around with a mischievous smile on her face, then flies up again, ignoring the crying Remilia, who continues to fly around, trying to escape the rabid bird.

It’s dawn now. Remilia is too shaken to go to bed, so Sakuya has brought a relaxing story from the library and sits on her mistress’ bedside. Remilia nervously asks “Sakuya... a-are you sure about this?” In a soothing tone of voice, Sakuya says “of course, my lady. You’ve had a very rough night. You need to rest.” Remilia gulps while trembling, then nods and says “you-you’re right... Let me just get comfortable and you can...” Remilia turns around to fluff her pillows, then Sakuya yelps and there’s a loud crunching sound from the ceiling. Remilia doesn’t want to turn around, but she forces herself to do so. Her eyes hide behind a light shadow as she looks to the ceiling, where Sakuya shouts back “whoops. Seems I fell through the roof again.” Remilia sweats and trembles while still sitting on her bed.

It’s morning. Sakuya is opening the room to her mistress, finding Remilia on her sleeping gown, clinging on to the wall above her bed and looking at the cabinet once more. The moment Remilia spots Sakuya she darts off the wall and straight on to Sakuya. She looks at Sakuya, her face full of tears, her cheeks red and puffy, looking just like a frightened child. Sakuya compares Remilia with Budou and Chen, then her nose fires jet-streams of blood, saying “guh! My lady is much cuter than that!” Remilia ignores the blood being sprayed on to her and cries “Sakuya~ that cabinet is moving again!” Sakuya flinches, her nose stops bleeding, and she nervously says “my lady, if we open that we’re going to be sorry!” Remilia whimpers “but it’s keeping me awake~! I want to sleep, Sakuya~” Sakuya thinks for a moment, snaps her fingers, then exclaims “a-HA! I got it!” Sakuya drags Meiling on her sleeping robe all the way to Remilia’s bedroom without saying a word to her. She places the half-awake Meiling in front of the cabinet and says “the cabinet is making noises. Meiling, please open the doors.” Meiling somberly stares back at Sakuya, then looks at the cabinet. She grabs the cabinet doors, pull them open, and Flandre bursts out of the cabinet, falling on her seat on the ground, shouting “Ow~ What the hell? What gives!?” Meiling fully wakes up and asks “Flan!? What were you doing in there?” Sakuya exclaims “a-ha! So you’ve been the one hiding in the mistress’ cabinet. You should be ashamed!” Flandre gets up, rubbing her butt and saying “what are you talking about. I was just test-driving a new flying machine that weird kappa girl build using the blueprints of my own.” Sakuya and Remilia both look curiously at Flandre, who suddenly gasps and exclaims “drat! I left the thing on drive!” Remilia asks “is that a bad thing?” There is a whirring sound from outside that quickly gets louder, then a large oval flying ship, silver in color, crashes into Remilia’s bedroom, destroying the wall and the windows. After the dust settles, Sakuya pulls her head out of the debris and quickly asks “*cough cough* is everyone ok!?” Remilia pops her head from under her bed, while Meiling pushes a large chunk of wood from her back, revealing Flandre safely under her. Remilia shouts “why is this happening to my mansion, DAMMIT!? Sakuya, I DEMAND and explanation for this!!!” There is a moment of silence, interrupted by a ticking sound. Remilia says “oy, Sakuya, you should check that watch of yours. It’s really loud.” Sakuya casually says “that’s not mine.” Flandre face palms and says “now I remember... The ship is nuclear powered. That ticking is the booster installed in it.” Everyone in the room open their eyes wide and stretch their mouths in surprise while staring at Flandre. Flandre shrugs and says “I was driving just fine before you guys interrupted me.” A massive explosion completely evaporates Remilia’s room and sends everyone in the room flying sky high. With their clothes burned, torn and tattered, they all forcefully fly up to the sky, then stop. Sakuya sighs and says “it’s a good thing we’re all safe.” Meiling and Flandre nod, then Meiling says “well, I’m hungry. I’m gonna get some breakfast.” Remilia is trapped inside the belly of the watery monster, screaming her lungs out, yet the others seem to not notice her at all as she falls back to the unforgiving snowy ground.

It’s mid-day and Meiling stands in front of the gates as usual while people from the village work on restoring Remilia’s room. Kyo’s voice can be heard all the way to the gate, shouting “but I’m not even IN this! Why am I working here!?” Luna’s voice is heard replying in a sweet tone “because we are getting paid... now shut up~ or I’ll have to get angry~” Kyo’s voice is hear replying in a very nervous tone “whatever you say, honey...” To Meiling’s left, on the pile of burnable garbage, lies Remilia’s cabinet. It starts to jump around and make many bumping sounds from inside. Meiling sweats; fright and curiosity take over her. She wants to know what’s in there, but she’s afraid of what might come out. She tries to ignore the cabinet, but it just bumps and jumps more furiously. Meiling sighs angrily and says to herself “fine! You wanna play little box, then let’s play!” Meiling rushes to the cabinet, grabs the two doors and pulls them open. Meiling bursts from inside the cabinet, wearing an aquamarine swimsuit, followed by Flandre, who wears a frilly red swimsuit, then Sakuya, who wears an elegant-looking dark-blue swimsuit, followed by Remilia, who wears a light pink frilly two piece swimsuit, followed by Patchouli who wears a surprisingly revealing skin-tight purple swimsuit with a light violet transparent jacket and a matching sarong on top of it, and last comes Koakuma, wearing a two piece black swimsuit with a pink rose design on the right bosom. They all look refreshed and happy, then Meiling comments “wow, those head-hunters sure know how to party!” Sakuya replies “I agree. We figured them wrong, didn’t we, my lady?” Remilia smiles and happily says “yeah. They just wanted to invite us to their party after all.” Patchouli’s face turns a little green and while holding her mouth she says “oh... I think I had too much to drink.” Koakuma sweats and smiles, patting her mistress on the back and saying “come on lady Patchouli. Let’s go get you some anti-acids.” As they walk back inside Flandre says “sis, maybe you shouldn’t throw that cabinet out.” Remilia continues to smile, her face shining as she says “I guess you’re right. Maybe I should...” Remilia’s face changes from relaxed to angry in a second, then spreads her wings, her arms and her legs, then waves them all as she angrily shouts “wait, what the HELL just happened here!?”

Remilia sleeps in Sakuya’s room while her room is being restored. Sakuya doesn’t mind one bit, cuddling with her mistress while sound asleep with a smile on her face and some blood on her nose. Sakuya stars to moan loudly, waking Remilia up. The vampire’s face turns blue when she realizes she’s cuddling with her maid. Sakuya continues to moan incoherently, however Remilia panics when Sakuya, among the moaning, says “my lady is my wife, you~” Remilia has manages to escapes Sakuya’s embrace and now exists the room as quietly as possible. The usually quiet corridor is now filled with the voices of the villagers working on her room, however, Remilia’s sharp senses pick up a frightening familiar sound. She hisses as she bares her claws and readies herself offensively, then shouts “you’re going DONW!” The rabid karate night sparrow stands on the carpet, a few feet in front of Remilia, glaring at the vampire with determination in its little black eyes. They eye each other for a moment, then the night sparrow pulls down on the lower lid of its eye, then lunges face-first at Remilia, who lunges at the same time, bearing her claws and ready to kill. There is great commotion; the sound of objects breaking all over the mansion wake Sakuya up, who can be heard shouting from the gate “that thing is awake!? I thought it was a NIGHT sparrow!” Remilia shouts “I’m gonna change its fate, THEN we can have a FAT SPARROW FOR DINNER!!!” There’s another crash and Remilia’s battle scream. Meiling sweats, thinking whether or not to go and help. Remilia suddenly scream “GIVE ME BACK MY UNDERWARE!” Sakuya yelps, then shouts “I’m ok~! It seems I fell through the roof!” Inside the corridor, Remilia and the night sparrow stand next to each other, looking at the hole on the ceiling with disbelief in their eyes and a sweat drop on the left side of their heads. The sparrow pulls Remilia’s bloomers from under its wing and calmly, in a very elegant and masculine voice says “I-I’m sorry, but this is just too easy... Call me later, ok?” Chirping, the sparrow flies away while Remilia stares on with her mouth open, her eyes hiding under a shadow, and strands of hair springing from all around her head. From the floor above Sakuya asks “oh my, is that one of the villagers?”

It’s noon. Meiling is looking tired and bored while holding an umbrella with her left hand. She asks “my lady, are you sure you wouldn’t rather be on a bed...? Inside the mansion?” Remilia’s eyes are red and puffy, her eyelids are dark, the skin under her eyes is swollen and she feels as though she could rip even Reimu in half out of pure frustration. She looks at Meiling with a most annoyed look on her face, grabs the gatekeeper by her shirt, pulls their faces together, then sounding tired and angry she says “hold the damned umbrella and let me SLEEP!” She lets go of Meiling, who rapidly stands straight, gulping as cold sweat runs through her face and quietly holds the umbrella. The cabinet starts jumping again, this time with such force, it jumps all the way to where Meiling and Remilia are. There is a flapping sound, and when Meiling looks to her left, Remilia is long gone. From a nearby tree, Remilia says “Me-Me-Meiling, I ORDER you to destroy that thing already!” Meiling scowls and frowns, then says “my lady, I’m getting to the bottom of this!” Building up her courage, Meiling walks up to the cabinet and without hesitation she opens the doors. Reimu pops out of the cabinet, looking bored and with a lazy expression on her face, holding Remilia by the back of her shirt and dropping her on the ground, where the water monster gobbles her up and spins her inside it’s stomach. Reimu looks at Meiling with those lazy, bored eyes, then says “keep her away, will you?” Reimu gets back inside the cabinet, and right after the doors close, the cabinet consumes itself, vanishing from sight. Meiling casually walks to her screaming mistress, pulls her out of the monster’s belly, then asks “my lady, weren’t you on that tree just now.” Remilia starts to sob, then bawls uncontrollably, crying twin waterfalls while rubbing her eyes with her fists. Meiling panics for a moment, but quickly gives Remilia a hug and rubs her back, saying “it’s ok, my lady. Let it all out.” Meiling continues to shush Remilia, trying to comfort her as she takes her back inside the mansion. Flandre peeks her head from one of the farthest bushes, then gasps and exclaims “JUMY~! Where have you been!? I’ve been looking all over for you!” The water monster takes the shape of a puppy once more, then jumps on Flandre, licking her face and making her giggle.

It’s evening. Remilia is finally sound asleep inside Meiling’s room, sniffling occasionally. Outside the mansion there is a light snowstorm, but even in this cold and somewhat dangerous storm, Sakuya lurks around the back of the mansion, looking around suspiciously. She approaches one of the few trees that reside inside the mansion walls and knocks on it three times. Aya and the rabid karate night sparrow rest on one of the tree branches and Aya asks “you get the goods?” Sakuya asks “you get what I asked for?” Aya replies “this wasn’t easy to get” and tosses a small bag to Sakuya, who tosses a yellow envelope at Aya, saying “well, these weren’t easy to get either. But they’re worth it.” The night sparrow chirps angrily, then Sakuya says “I didn’t forget about you.” From under her skirt, she pulls a silver plate covered with a silver dome. She pulls the dome off and reveals a well-done piece of meat, which the night sparrow immediately grabs with its tiny claws, and while flying away, contently eats it. Aya smirks mischievously and says “for the right price, even you would sell your master.” Sakuya winks and says “I’ll make it up to her with this. There is enough her to visit Makai AND the new Kappa Resort. Trust me, she’ll forget all~ about yesterday.” Aya and Sakuya chuckle, then Aya asks “hey, shouldn’t you be waking her up by now?” Sakuya smiles and says “no. She’s too exhausted. Besides, if I wake her up now she might blast me in a fright.” Aya and Sakuya laugh for a moment, then Aya says “oh, these pictures are in high definition. Now I’m sure this was worth the money. But how did you manage such great close-ups?” On her hand, Aya holds various pictures of Remilia crying, shouting, screaming, falling, spinning, and floating inside the water monster. Sakuya winks, places her index finger on the side of her nose, then smiles. Aya smiles back, then flies away with shiny glints in her eyes.

The End
Characters, spell cards and scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-
Budou, Kyo and Luna were created by Willie G.R.
FEB 12 2010
Written by
Willie G.R.

A/N:
First of all know that Remilia Scarlet is my no.1 favorite Touhou character. I just love her charisma breaks too! I know, I know, I was a little too evil.... well, VERY evil to her here. And Sakuya too. Hmm... That maid’s dangerous. I mean, she got a few hits herself, but she’s the one behind all these mishaps! Wow, talk about being evil! But she did it for a good cause. She’s taking her mistress on a well-earned vacation to Makai and the kappa’s new resort. Wow, won’t Nitori be sorry she built it!

I wonder, though. There’s this artist who’s made a LOT of Remilia-charisma-break mangas. I’m sorry, but I don’t know whether this artist is he or she, but the avatar for the self-inserts is a girl... So she must be a she, right? Anyway, the idea of Sakuya taking these pictures came from one of the strips he/she made, where Sakuya sells pictures of her mistress’ charisma breaks for large sums of money. However, the rest is truly just me and my incredibly random mind. Oh, that’s right. The artist’s name. Well, in Danbooru he/she is called “Shino (Ponjiyuusu)”. I wonder what this artist might say of this EVIL work I have done... Oh well, I hope you enjoyed reading, and I’ll see you on my next work.
Oh, by the way, I’m still working on some notes and timings for my next Sukima, AND I’m taking my time re-editing the first Sukima I made. Anyway, again, hope you enjoyed reading. See you on my next story.

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