Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Misfortuante and Some Kappa Mishaps

It’s a late winter night at the youkai forest. There is a light snowstorm blowing through Gensokyo, however the trees in the forest serve as a shield from the snowstorm, so Hina Kagiyama, the curse goddess, goes to the river as usual to collect the many misfortunes on the air. She hovers right on top of the water and stays floating in the very center of the river. With a happy smile on her face she raises her arms high in the air and exclaims “misfortunes, come to me!”, and starts to spin slowly in place. Just as some dark-purple clouds surround her, a bone with small bits of dried meat strikes her right between the eyes, accompanied by some chirping sounds. Hina falls into the water, but quickly flies out of the icy-cold waters and lands on top a rock near the shore, holding the bone on her right hand. There’s another chirp, followed by a song that seems to darken her vision. Hina looks to the source, finding a small sparrow perching on a tree branch and singing his song. Hina stands firm on the rock, points at the night sparrow with the bone, then angrily says “hey, that wasn’t very nice, little birdie. You shouldn’t throw things like these at others!” The little night sparrow ruffles it’s feathers, then flies away, screeching.” Hina looks at the bone, throws it away, sighs, then says “cute bird, but he’s very naughty.” She floats to the center of the river again, raises her hands in the air, then gets her hands tied up with the very misfortune she was collecting before, held by the little night sparrow. Hina exclaims “wait, little birdie, don’t do that!” The tiny night sparrow uses the rest of the misfortune clouds to tie Hina’s waist, even though she continues to complain. After tying her up, he lifts her by the same misfortune he used to tie her up, then ties her to the same tree branch he was on earlier. After hanging her, he climbs on her hair, ruffles his feathers, then nests on the piece of hair tied up by the red frilly bow in front of her chest. After realizing what happened, Hina complains “hey~! No, this just won’t do, little bird. Please, let me go~!” The night sparrow raises it’s left wing and smacks her right cheek hard, making her head turn left. Hina yelps and says “ah-how~! Hey, you’re not a very nice bird, you meanie-“ The little night sparrow swings its wing and slaps her left cheek, making her face turn right, then Hina cries “hey~! Stop that. That hurts!” Again, the sparrow slaps her right cheek, turning her face left, then Hina lowers her face and closes her eyes in defeat, saying “I-I’ll be quiet, sir.” From below, Nitori comes looking for Hina, saying to herself “aww, she’s not here. And I really needed her help too.” She looks to the tree above, spotting Hina, then shouts “Hina? What are you doing up there!?” Hina desperately shouts “Nitori~ HELP! This bird kidnapped me!” There’s a smacking sound, then Hina cries “sorry~~!” Nitori smirks and says “heh, guess it’s up to me.” Nitori jumps on a rock next to the river, pulls out a yellow gun and says “alright, I just have to aim and... KYAAA~~!!!” Somehow, Nitori falls into the river and is carried away by the currents. Hina looks on as Nitori it taken away, then sighs and says “so much for help.” The Rabid Karate Night Sparrow suddenly flies away, giving Hina a sense of relief, which is soon taken away the moment she realizes she’s absorbed the misfortune that was keeping her hanging. She falls into the river and while being carried away she smiles and shouts “this is most unfortunate~~~!!!”

It’s late morning, and Nitori is admiring a large hotel-like building with large letters in green on the top that read “Kappa-pa Resort” She smiles then says to herself “better get things ready for the visitors.” The building inside looks like a fancy, high-tech establishment, with robots working non-stop, an automated registry table, and on the back, a clean-looking pool with an artificial sun, and farther behind, a small artificial beach. Nitori approaches the automated registry table and asks “Aut-Reg, what’s the status?” A hologram of a kappa girl in a red night dress materializes next to Nitori and says “lady Nitori... Wearing those rags again, I see.” Nitori sweats and smiles nervously while saying “j-just go ahead with the report, will you?” The hologram sighs and says “fine, my lady. Today’s guest are all experiencing great happiness. Two rooms are being emptied, while 5 more are currently being cleaned. Oh, and it seems tomorrow we are receiving a most special guest. Miss Remilia Scarlet from the Scarlet Devil Mansion. She’s coming with her maid, it seems.” Nitori gasps and asks “the vampire? Oh my, I get to try out my new invention after all! Aut-Reg, let me handle this guest, please!” The hologram stares at Nitori with disdain and says “fine, I’ll let you tend to these guest, lady Nit...” The hologram looks around with curiosity and surprise and asks “lady Nitori, where are you?” Nitori screams her lungs out while she’s being dragged away by the river currents on the outside.

That afternoon, Hina spins while floating just above the river and contently singing to herself “spin~ Hina, spin~ Spin, spin, spin, Kagiyama spin~ Collecting misfortunes~ with a smile on me~!” A bird chirps and Hina yelps and jumps into the river, hiding behind the rocks near the shore. She looks around and realizes it’s just a small blue bird on a branch, who pecks some leaves then flies away. Hina sighs and jumps on the rock, letting her clothes drip while the little winter sunlight warms her up. She smiles and says to herself “Hina, that was just an unfortunate event. You don’t have to be so-“ Hina feels a presence close to her, so she looks to her left. She gasps as her eyes fill with horror and her face turns as pale as a ghost’s skin. She tries to crawl away, but the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, or RKNS for short, flies ahead of her, cutting her escape route. Hina trembles, then asks “wh-whatever did I do to you!?” The RKNS lifts its right wing and pulls a picture of Nitori, who is eating a cucumber while staring curiously and surprised at the camera. He rips the picture in half, breaking Nitori’s neck from her body, then chirps menacingly. Hina springs up and angrily says “what! Nitori’s my friend! I’ll never let you!” The sparrow starts to flap it’s wings furiously while glaring at Hina, who pulls her sleeves up and signals the sparrow to attack, saying “I won’t let you hurt Nitori, you fiend!” Taking the mantis position, Hina quickly jumps at the sparrow, who takes the bird position and flies at her while screeching. Hina shouts “hop! Hay-a~! HA! I don’t spin just for fun, you little monster! WHOA, you fight dirty!” There are smacking and fighting sounds that echo all through the forest, and for some time Hina fights the sparrow. Hina floats on her back as the river currents take her away. She smiles embarrassed and with tears under her eyes while holding her skirt she says “that’s just so unfortunate! You just wait until next round!” Her bloomers trail behind her as they both float away from the forest. The RKNS perches victorious on a tree branch and starts to sing contently after ruffling its feathers.

Later that night, Nitori is inside a room surrounded by greasy and dirty gears, looking agitated while hurriedly tightening bolt after bolt. Aut-Reg’s hologram materializes inside the room. She looks with grimace at the gears and the dirty walls, then clears her throat and says “lady Nitori, the room for our special guest still isn’t ready and might not be ready until tomorrow morning.” Nitori continues to work on the gears and hurriedly says “great! Great work. Now please, I’m very busy. The special elevator has a few kinks and bugs. I need to fix it, pronto!” The hologram frowns for a moment, then says “if I may, lady Nitori, the third gear seems to be jammed by some strawberry, and the electrical mechanism seems to have a broken electric string.” Nitori springs from the lower gears, her face covered in grease while looking a little tired. She looks at the hologram, smiles, then says “thank you. You know, you really are a great help!” Nitori pulls out a jar of strawberry jam from the gears, sticks her finger in it, then smacks her lips after tasting the jam and says “still sweet. Want some?” The hologram turns her nose away and looking disgusted she says “I would NEVER indulge in such barbaric means of sustenance!” Nitori shrugs and sticks her entire hand inside, pulling out a lot of jam and after placing it in her mouth she says “*nom nom* suit yourself.” She licks her fingers then rushes to a small electrical panel and immediately pulls out a small black string that seems to have been bitten by mice. She places a pair of large goggles on and stares at it, then says “seems we have pests in here. Aut-Reg, I want extermination bots here on the double...” There is no answer. Nitori pulls the high-tech goggles off and looks for the hologram, asking “Aut-Reg, where are you?” The hologram hides in a small and dark room, holding the strawberry jam jar around her arms, gorging herself while saying “*slurp slurp* oh yeah, that’s the stuff! *SLURP* Mmm~ Come to mamma!!” Nitori suddenly yelps and the gears all start moving again. At the artificial beach, Nitori waves her arms and screams for help as she is dragged away by the very artificial waves and currents she created for that beach.

Early morning at the Youkai forest. Hina opens her eyes after much meditation, kneeling on the snowy ground, and says to herself “iron will. This misfortune will be dealt with today!” She ties a black bandanna around her head, then stands up. She wears a white karate suit tied with a black belt around her waist. She closes her eyes, lifts one leg while holding her arms clapped together, breathes in deeply, then suddenly opens her left eye and says “today, little one, you will learn humility and respect. You have humiliated me twice and threatened to harm a friend. I will not lose to you again.” Behind her, wearing a black bandana with a red dot in its center, a black karate suit with a golden belt tied just above the end of the shirt, is the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, who chirps casually at Hina. Hina gasps and angrily replies “how dare you!? I’m a lady! I can’t allow you to spew such words! Prepare yourself!” Hina takes the mantis stance while the RKNS takes an elegant eagle stance while on the ground. They stare at each other for a few seconds, then Hina shouts and runs straight at her target, throwing a straight kick at the bird. The sparrow jumps, avoiding the kick, and the fight begins. Smacking and crunching sounds, along with Hina’s war cry and painful screams get the attention of some tengu and kappa, as well as a few lesser youkai. They quickly form a large circle around the clearing in which the fight is taking place, then suddenly Hina scream “no, no! MERCY~! KYAAHH~~” The tengu and the kappa cover their eyes, and some youkai even hold their mouths, feeling as though they could throw up right after there’s a loud screech and another crunching sound. There are many more smacking sounds, Hina screaming “no, not the FACE! Wah!” The spectators all find ways to cover their eyes, some crying “make it stop!” On the center of the clearing, Hina holds a red pen and tries to draw house, however, the sparrow has already drawn blueprints for an entire castle and sells it to an eager young human. Hina kicks her large canvas and shouts “you’re cheating!” The sparrow angrily flies at her, slaps her across the face, making her spin in place, then pulls her belt and kicks her to the river. Meanwhile, a few tengu fly away, one holding the painting of Hina with a subtle smile on her face, and the other holding a strange sculpture of a spinning cloud. The tengu with the painting says “I’m hanging this in my wall!”, while the other smiles and says “this will make a GREAT center-piece.” Hina floats away with her pants following down the river as she cries with embarrassment and says “please help me Eirin~!”

It’s late morning, and Nitori stands next to the river, looking a little nervous and expectant. She stands on the tip of her boots and tries to look ahead, but all there is are trees, twigs, snow, and a few stones on the snow-covered road. Some tengu pass by, raising Nitori’s excitement for a moment, but then she calms back down, slumps and says to herself “maybe they aren’t coming.” Sakuya asks “who’s not coming?” Nitori yelps, jumps high and falls into the cold river, screaming and waving her arms as she is dragged away by the currents. Sakuya sweats with a sheepish smile and Remilia sighs annoyed and says “Sakuya, is too soon.” Sakuya continues smiling sheepishly as she grabs the ground and pulls the scene up, revealing Nitori standing right in front of them and saying “welcome to the new Kappa-pa Resort. I’m Nitori Kawashiro, and I’ll be your host!” Sakuya smiles at her mistress, elegantly pointing at Nitori with a smile while Remilia says “much better.” Sakuya asks “well, miss Kawashiro... where’s the resort? I can’t see it anywhere.” Nitori casually replies “it’s under the river.” Remilia sweats and trembles, and sounding a bit annoyed Sakuya says “wait a minute! My lady is weak against water! How are we supposed to-“ Nitori raises her hand and looking proudly she says “please don’t worry. I prepared for just such occasion. Since vampires are weak against water and can’t cross over moving bodies of water, then we’ll go under!” Nitori presses a red button on a yellow remote, and from the left side, from underground, an elevator rises up and after opening its doors a disembodied woman’s voice says “welcome to Kappa-pa Resort. Please enter in an orderly fashion and do enjoy your stay.” Remilia sweats and stares at the elevator, then points at it while looking on in disbelief and asks “is that thing safe?” There’s a chirping sound and Remilia starts to tremble. Sakuya sweats and places her left hand on her left cheek and says “oh my... Miss Nitori, could you please hurry.” Nitori proudly says “certainly! Please, follow me.” Remilia is already inside the elevator, trembling and shouting “hu-hurry up! That monster is out there!” Sakuya and Nitori calmly enter the elevator and Sakuya says “my lady, there’s no way it’s the same bird.” Sounding crazed, Remilia says “I’d recognize that chirping anywhere. NOW MOVE IT!” The elevator doors close, however unknown to all, the RKNS is hiding under Sakuya’s large bow, glaring at Remilia from under the white threads. Remilia sighs with relief and says “phew. We got away.” Sakuya smiles and asks “so where is this taking us, miss Nitori? ...Miss Nitori?” Nitori is in the river again, waving her arms and screaming her lungs out as she is dragged up the waterfall going against the currents.

After just 10 minutes of walking though a high-tech tunnel and reaching the resort, Remilia and Sakuya are taken to their room, where Remilia immediately says “well, I’m impressed. Much better than those small boxes in Makai.” Sakuya sweats and nervously smiles while saying “now now, my lady, it wasn’t that bad. You even got a window seat there.” Remilia sighs and says “fine, whatever...” Nitori giggles and says “welcome to your room. We have designed these rooms to be vampire friendly; where little light from our artificial sun enters so you may have a comfortable rest.” Nitori points them to the bathroom and says “and you may actually have relaxing baths without losing any strength, as the bright red light bulb in this room is SPECIALY designed to protect your skin from the acidic burn of the water.” Remilia looks impressed and says “ohh~ you hear that Sakuya?” Sakuya is lost in blissful though, her nose leaking great amounts of blood, her eyes glassy and full of stars as she holds her arms clapped together beside her cheek. Remilia’s face turns blue at the sight, and the little vampire side-steps away from her maid. Nitori claps her hands softly while tilting her head to the right and saying “so, if there’s anything else you need, please don’t hesitate to call on me or one of our robot workers.” There is a thumping sound coming from outside, which startle Remilia and Nitori, and snaps Sakuya back to normal. Remilia asks “wh-what’s that?” She starts to tremble again, so Sakuya kneels and pats her head, saying “it’s alright, my lady. Nothing’s going to happen.” Nitori walks outside the room to the balcony, where in the center are a few hot tubs with metallic curtain options. She walks back inside and says “that’s odd. There’s a cabinet there.” Remilia and Sakuya both twitch, then Sakuya asks “a... cabinet?” Nitori calmly says “come look!” Nitori hears their footsteps getting closer, then suddenly hears the violent flapping of wings and the quick tapping of running feet. She looks to where Sakuya and Remilia were supposed to be, but only finds vanishing clouds of smoke. From the balcony at the other side of the resort, Remilia shouts “DESTROY THAT THING!!!” From across the long balcony, Sakuya shouts “don’t open that!!!” Nitori looks curiously at the cabinet, gets closer, grabs the doors, then says “what’s the deal with this...?” She opens the doors and out bursts Nitori, wearing a dirty white rag over her body and nothing else, looking dirty and full of bruises. She looks around, looking disoriented and scared, then shouts “wah... where am I? Did I make it back?” Sakuya gets closer and says “we warned you.” Nitori cries inconsolably and hugs Sakuya, saying “it was horrible! No food, no water, and they took my clothes! I had to run around naked for 3 days before finding this!” Remilia gets closer and says “just destroy that thing!” From behind Remilia, the RKNS strikes suddenly and hard, chirping menacingly. All Remilia can do before being intercepted is shriek and try to fly away.

Inside the garbage disposal of the resort, the remaining pieces of the cabinet lie scattered around on their own, except for the two doors, which lie on top of a large garbage bag. Hina burst out of the doors, covered in garbage, burns, bruises, and her clothes are in tatters and torn around her belly, leaving her abdomen and back completely exposed. She wobbles as she stands and says “ow, ow, ow, ow. Ever since that bird I’ve been plagued with so much misfortune. Ow~! Who knew Nitori could handle a saw like that.” She looks at the remaining pieces of the cabinet as they are being taken by a mechanical hand toward a large furnace, where they emanate large quantities of misfortune as they burn. Hina sighs and says “oh well. I have to find that bird before it hurts Nitori.” The mechanical arm comes back and grabs Hina’s skirt. The curse goddess struggles with the arm, but only manages to have her skirt ripped, causing herself to spin like a top as the arm pulls on the skirt, ripping it off like an orange skin. The arm manages to take away a large chunk of her skirt before Hina finally stops spinning. After shaking off her dizziness she realizes she’s showing off her dark-red panties, covered only by a small strand of skirt, making her look as though she’s wearing a frilly bikini along with her large boots. Realizing this, Hina whines and shouts “this is getting ridiculous! Someone’s making fun of me, I just KNOW IT!” Regardless of her embarrassment, Hina looks on with courage as she looks at the exit and says “no matter. Once that bird is gone, I’m sure everything will be alright. Time to save Nitori!” She takes one step forward, then falls upward, making a loud clanking sound, along with a moan as she says “uuu~ seems I fell through the roof.”

It’s mid-day, and Remilia and Sakuya are enjoying a relaxing rest under a large umbrella at the artificial beach, wearing their swimsuits, even though they aren’t really going for a swim, and Remilia is also sporting a bandage around her left shoulder and one around her head. Meanwhile, Hina discovers an exit from the furnaces on the mountains that adorn the artificial beach. She looks with curiosity around, then flies out of the door which closes right after she leaves. Long before reaching the shores, the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow flies close by and notices Hina. He blushes after his eyes almost pop out from their little sockets, then wolf-whistles at her. Hina’s face turns dark red, her eyes hiding under her blushing shadow. Embarrassed, she yelps and tries to cover herself up, saying “please don’t look. I’m not decent!” She forgets to fly and falls straight to the waters below, then gets dragged away by the currents and waves toward the shore while screaming and waving her arms in despair. The RKNS blushes some more while flying and looking over many pictures he managed to take of Hina before she even noticed him.

Hina washes to the shore on her face, trembling and saying “so... much... misfortune.” Being the first one to notice, Sakuya rushes to Hina’s aid, shouting “hey~! Miss, are you alright!?” Hina struggles to push herself up and stand on her feet with some help from Sakuya while saying “never mind! There’s a very dangerous creature in here, and he wants to hurt Nitori. I have to save her!” Sakuya sweats, her face turn blue and she start to tremble, then asks “you-you-you wouldn’t happen to be hunting for a little night sparrow, would you?” Hina gasps and says “oh my, I seems that creature has surrounded you and your friend with so much misfortune!” Remilia gets closer and asks “Sakuya, what’s going on?” Hina yelps and shouts “OH MY~! You poor dear vampire! Your misfortune far surpasses anything I’ve ever seen... I see. That bird.” Remilia twitches, then nervously looks around, trembling and asking “bird? What bird!? I see no bird. SAKUYA~!” Smiling, Sakuya says “it’s alright my lady, he’s not...” There’s a loud chirp right above them, and flapping his wings and staring at the three girls menacingly is the RKNS. Remilia’s face fills with horror, Sakuya turns pale and Hina slowly backs away. Sakuya shouts “WAIT A MINUTE! There’s 3 of us and only 1 of him! Let’s combine our power to-“ The sparrow squawks and Sakuya screams for help as chirping and fast smacking sounds echo all over the beach. Sakuya lies on her face and manages to write “sparrow” on the sand before blacking out, and now the little bird stands on her back, glaring at Remilia, then at Hina, who stands a few feet across the beach from Remilia. Remilia takes another step backward, and so does Hina, who smacks a small child on the head with her hand by accident. The child cries so Hina panics, kneels and says “oh, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry! You poor child, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to!” The child’s mother stands behind Hina, tapping her foot on the sand and glaring at the curse goddess. Hina sweats, stands aside, and just as the mother picks up her child, she kicks sand on Hina’s eyes and says “you bully. Don’t let me catch you near my child again!” Meanwhile, Remilia continues to back away from the sparrow, placing her arms in front of herself and saying “now calm down... I’m not even bothering you!” The little bird takes on hop toward Remilia, who yelps, crouches, and holds her head with her arms while trying to wrap herself with her wings. The little sparrow smirks, then turns to face Hina, realizing she’s glaring at him with glowing red eyes while fire rises from behind her. Hina is furious and says “you spawn from the deepest abyss, you enjoy picking on little children! Look what you made me do to that poor child! You are SO DEAD!” The RKNS chirps in fright after Hina pulls an automatic rifle from her hair while laughing maniacally, then flies away as fast as he can. She fires her weapon, cackling and shouting “DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE~! AH HAHAHA~~!” Remilia shrieks at the sight, rushes as fast as possible to Sakuya, then flies away, running from the beach along with the other visitors. The little sparrow dodges all the high-speed shots with ease, flying away from Hina, then suddenly the bullets stop and there’s silence. Nitori struggles with Hina, shouting “you can’t use those things here! You might hit something!” Hina shouts back “I have to save you~!” the night sparrow takes this chance and swoops down to take care of Hina and Nitori. He’s mere inches away from striking, then the two girls fall down a hole on the sand. The sparrow looks around in surprise, but smiles and looks at the resort building with wicked intent. Meanwhile, Hina and Nitori enjoy a warm cup of tea at the Moriya Shrine, where Budou sits in front of them across the table, giggles, then says “you two got owned!”

It’s noon, and Hina and Nitori arrive to the seemingly peaceful resort. Hina wears a green camouflage outfit while Nitori has painted herself with black dye under her eyes. They look at each other, then nod with determination and slowly head to the Kappa-pa Resort building. Meanwhile, Remilia is enjoying a bath inside the tub, however she is so unsettled about the RKNS, she’s constantly flinching and looking over her shoulders, even when there’s so much peace and quiet. Sakuya knocks softly on the door, making Remilia hop and yelp, then asks “my lady, are you alright in there?” Remilia angrily shouts “DON’T DO THAT! Ugh! Yes, I’m fine. Just keep watch and don’t even BLINK!” Outside, looking disappointed and a little depressed, Sakuya sighs and says “as you wish, my lady.” With tears in her smiling face, Sakuya thinks “but I rather be with you, my lady~.” From inside, Remilia screams, there’s an unsettling loud thump, then water seeps from under the bathroom door. Sakuya bursts the door open, shouting “my lady, what’s wrong!!?” Remilia has wrapped herself with a towel and clings on the roof while breathing heavily and looking scared beyond her wits. Trembling and without saying a single word, Remilia points to the left side of the tub, and when Sakuya takes a better look, she turns pale, her face turns blue, then she says “but that kappa completely destroyed it!” The cabinet that Nitori had destroyed stands firmly on the bathroom floor, looking ominous amongst the bathroom decorations. Remilia, still clinging on the ceiling, shouts “SAVE ME!” Sakuya yelps and there’s a loud crunching sound. Remilia shouts “Sakuya, what happened!?” Remilia drops from the ceiling and walks to where Sakuya was, then looks up at a hole on the roof, then shouts “Sakuya, answer me!” From the room above, Hina says “so unfortunate. I fell through the roof again.” Remilia sweats as she looks up the hole with fright and surprise. At the beach, Sakuya, wearing a white two-piece swimsuit, and the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, are having a surfing contest. Sakuya happily laughs and loudly says “this is so much fun... but I feel I’m forgetting something!” The night sparrow, while hanging 4, two claws from each leg, shrugs at the surfing maid. Sakuya laughs and loudly says “well, I hope it’s nothing important!”

Later that night, Nitori and Hina sneak around the resort’s surroundings together. Nitori whispers “hey, Hina. I think that’s him!” She points at one of the hot tubs, where Sakuya is taking a dip, her head full of bumps, sniffling and saying “but I didn’t do anything wrong, my lady.” Hina sweats and forces a sheepish smile as she says “that’s the vampire child’s maid.” Nitori edges Hina, saying “no, the other one!” Two hot tubs ahead, the RKNS is enjoying a dip, chirping contently while grabbing a small cup of sake and taking small sips. Hina sweats, but shakes off the shock and says “alright. Let’s execute the plan!” When she looks to Nitori she realizes she’s already approaching the little bird as quietly as possible with bright glints in her eyes. Hina face palms herself, then says “good thing I got a plan B.” Nitori’s crescent smile widens as she gets closer to her target’s back, and as quietly as possible, she pulls on a small string next to the key on her chest and from her backpack a set of 6 mechanical arms pop, two with spiked fists, two with drills, and two more with fly-swatter extensions. All arms move in unison and Nitori immediately uses all 6 to strike at the bird, but the night sparrow jumps out of the water to pour more sake in his cup, making Nitori miss him and strike the water instead. The little bird opens his eyes wide in surprise as Nitori screams in pain as she is electrocuted by the water and her own invention. She explodes and is forcefully blown away, and by the time the little night sparrow turns around, she is long gone. The bird shrugs, pours the sake in his cup, and after taking a quick sip of sake, he jumps right back into the water. Outside, Nitori’s entire backpack is being dragged by the river currents, waving it’s metallic arms around as if calling for aid. Nitori runs on dry land, chasing her backpack and shouting “I got you! I got you~!” Meanwhile, inside the resort, Hina spins while on one leg, softly saying “spin away these misfortunate events!”

Later that night, at one of the 3 empty rooms on the top floor, Nitori and Hina quietly sneak inside, this time with Aut-Reg’s hologram following them. Once inside, the hologram quietly closes the door behind them and silently hovers to the bathroom, which is all the way across the large room going past the bedroom door. Nitori looks around the room and angrily says “the most expensive room, even.” Hina shushes her and whispers “not so loud. If he finds us here, he’ll just beat us up again.” Nitori trembles and sweats, then whispers “I never knew a cat’s tail could be that dangerous.” There are snore-like chirps coming from the main bedroom, and Nitori and Hina quickly get their guards up and approach the bedroom. Slowly and steady they tip-toe closer and closer and finally reach the it. Nitori pulls out a yellow laser gun from her backpack, while Hina pulls out a spell card from her camouflage shirt. They count to 3 with their hands and kick the door down, finding a tape recorder playing the night sparrow’s snores over and over. Nitori grabs the tape recorder, turns it off, looks at Hina and says “for a tape recorder, the quality is amazing... Hey, didn’t you have a spell card on your hand?” Hina looks at her empty hand, sweats, then says “uh-oh. Not good!” Behind them is the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, holding Hina’s card with a wicked smile. Looking terrified Nitori asks “that wouldn’t be ‘Old Lady Ohgane’s Fire’, would it?” Hina sweats with a sweet smile on her face and adds “It’s lunatic leveled even.” Nitori moans as her eyes hide under shadow. The spell card is activated and both girls are blasted almost immediately out of the room through the door, then land on their backs at the Hakurei Shrine. They get up, dust themselves, then Nitori asks “where the heck are we?” From behind, sounding very annoyed, Reimu replies “and why would you two be inside my shrine at these hours?” Nitori and Hina look around, then notice the cabinet Remilia is so scared of. Nitori points at it and asks “hey, wasn’t this inside the vampire’s bathroom?” Reimu replies before Hina “it was a gift from Remilia... now get out before I have to kick you out!” Hina ignores Reimu and says “that’s odd. Not only did I see this getting burned, but now there’s nothing in this cabinet. No magic, no curses, no nothing... how did we end up here?” Form outside the shrine, sounds of cracking bones, crunching wood, danmaku blasts and tickling feathers unsettle the night. The sliding doors open up, and like a giant human ball, Reimu kicks out Hina and Nitori, sending them flying the hard way back home. Hina cries “such a violent maiden!”

Nitori and Hina, who has changed back to her normal clothes, arrive at morning to the resort and find Aut-Reg’s hologram and all the worker robots holding picketing signs and shouting “no oil, no work! Nitori is a big fat jerk!” Hina watches as Nitori calmly stares, then asks “well aren’t you worried?” Nitori smiles casually and says “no, no, it’s alright. I programmed them to hold strikes every 2 months... for fun.” Hina sweats and says to herself “well that’s amazing, isn’t it.” They approach the striking robots, and immediately all greet them, saying “good morning lady Nitori! Good morning guest Hina!” Nitori smiles and asks “so how’s the strike going?” Aut-Reg approaches Nitori, slaps her face twice, then smiles and says “it’s going well. I just struck lady Nitori and got two more oil points!” Nitori casually smiles and says “good, good. Next time, try to slap me a little softer, alright?” The hologram bows with a most content smile on her face and says “will keep that in mind, lady Nitori.” Nitori giggles and says “carry on, then.” Hina stares in complete shock as Nitori simply walks away so casually, then laughs after one of the robots kicks her butt and shouts “10 oil points!” and the others cheer afterward.

TWO DAYS LATER

The Kappa-Pa Resort building looks cleaner than ever, the hot tubs and the pool are full of visitors, and the artificial beach has become a place for friendly surfing contest and beauty competitions. Nitori and Hina watch all from the highest room in the building, which Nitori calls her ‘headquarters’, just main office. Hina turns to Nitori and says “I must say, that sparrow really surprised me!” Nitori replies “me too. I never would have guessed he was the inspector I was expecting a few days before.” Hina giggles and nods, then says “my, his ideas were simply brilliant. Look at all these guests. Human AND youkai.” Nitori laughs and says “yes, it’s a little more than I expected... so I’m leaving the hosting to Aut-Reg and the other kappa... So many people and youkai. It makes me nervous.” Hina smiles, points outside, then says “ah, look at that woman with the two-toned hair. She looks quite happy.” Nitori smiles and says “wish I could say the same for miss Remilia. It seems mister sparrow simply loves messing with her, so she’s giving the Resort a bad review, since I wouldn’t chase it away.” Hina sighs and says “that’s bad. Oh well, I guess we won’t be receiving vampire guests for a while. Still... it was mean of that sparrow to scare me and beat me up like that... Right Nitori..? Nitori are you...?” Hina looks around but can’t seems to find Nitori anywhere. She looks outside and spots Nitori inside the pool, waving her arms and screaming for help as the water swirls and swallows itself along with her. Hina sighs and says “and yet there’s so much misfortune around her. Oh well... KYAH~!” Hina takes one step away from the window, turns upside down, then falls through the roof. Sakuya says “ow~! How did I fall through the roof this time?” Hina opens the room to the office and while peeking inside she says “that’s odd. I thought I just heard voices.”

It’s late night. The snowstorms have stopped and the snow has started to melt. Hina stands at the shore of the river, kneeling in front of Remilia and staring straight into the vampire’s eyes. She looks seriously at Remilia and asks “are you ready?” Remilia cries “please, just do it already! I can’t even sleep peacefully anymore!” Hina smiles and says to Sakuya “now whatever happens, don’t let anyone or anything interrupt. If we do this half-way it could backfire or land on someone else. Possibly you!” Sakuya smiles nervously and says “I-I’ll do my best.” Hina smiles, stands up, then says “misfortune, come to me!” She spins on the tip of her feet slowly while hovering just above the ground. An enormous purple cloud becomes visible around Remilia and its slowly being absorbed into Hina’s own body. Sakuya gasps and thinks “wow, so I guess this wasn’t all my fault after all.” A bit of the cloud enters Hina’s body when there’s a loud chirping sound and a yelp form Remilia, along with violent flapping noises. Sakuya shouts “no, my lady! That’s not him!”, then chases after Remilia. The cloud is left behind so Hina continues to spin, absorbing the thick misfortune concentration. A silver washtub with purple stars painted on it falls on Hina’s head, knocking her out cold as Nitori rapidly floats by in the river, waving her arms and screaming for help as she is dragged away by the currents. The unconscious Hina is unable to absorb anymore of the misfortune could, which floats away toward the Forest of Magic, carried away by the soft winter winds. The RKNS chirps contently, landing on Hina’s legs and lifting her skirt, taking a picture, and after letting her skirt drop, in a deep and manly voice he says “I shall return, my precious.”

The End

Characters, Spell cards and Scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-
Budou was created by Willie G.R.
FEB 16 2010
Written by
Willie G.R.

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